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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Madly in Love

Expressions like 'madly in love', 'crazy for you' and 'lovesick' may be more accurate than we think. When we fall in love, our brains experience an explosion of powerful chemicals. Some scientists compare the initial stages of love to mental illnesses like obsessive compulsive disorder and mania, the manic phase of manic depression.

Helen Fisher, believes we evolved three systems related to matters of the heart: the first deals with lust, the second with romantic love – also known as attraction, obsessive love or 'being in love' – and the third with attachment. Fisher's theory is that the three systems motivate us, respectively, to mate, focus our attention on a particular partner, and stick with that partner long enough to look after the children we may have.

Fisher discusses many of the feelings of intense romantic love, saying it begins as the beloved takes on "special meaning." Then you focus intensely on him or her. People can list what they don't like about a sweetheart, but they sweep these things aside and focus on what they adore. Intense energy, elation, mood swings, emotional dependence, separation anxiety, possessiveness, physical reactions including a pounding heart, shortness of breath, and craving, Fisher reports, are all central to this feeling. But the most important one is obsessive thinking.

She also think that romantic love is a very strong drive, stronger than lust, as people are more likely to commit suicide or homicide when rejected by someone they love than when their sexual overtures fail.

A good example of this kind of behavior can be found in Shakespeare´s Romeo and Juliet:
"Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet, of the houses of Montague and Capulet, were enemies. The story starts with members of the Capulet family, quarreling with members of the Montague. This turns into a big fight. That night, Romeo and Juliet meet at a party in the Capulet mansion, and instantly fell in love. Later that night they met in the Capulet's orchard, and plan to be married the next morning. Their union was made, but soon ruined, as Romeo was banished from Verona due to the dispute. After he leaves, Juliet learns she is to marry another man. She was devastated. The two lovers made a plan. But they both end up killing themselves because both thought that the other was already death"

But the main characteristics of romantic love is craving: an intense desire to be with a particular person, not just sexually, but emotionally. It would be nice to go to bed with them, but you would prefer them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out or to tell you that they love you. The other main characteristic is motivation. The motor in your brain begins to crank, and you want this person.

Love is a very powerful emotion, and some say that love drives you to do dumb things, some people say that love hurts and some time it does. Love causes odd tremendous feelings deep within us. It causes jealousy and hate, and drives even the most amazing people to do the craziest most unbelievable stuff.

88 comments:

the walking man said...

While there are learned responses components to love and chemicals that the brain releases during these separate stages of a human in love, I think at times it be best for science to take a hands ff approach to some things.

It has ever been that once we humans understand the patterns and responses within the patters that we then tend to manipulate them to an advantage.

Love is one of those things that in my feeling is best left alone and not understood.

Lydia said...

Very well written post about something difficult to describe!
I find it truly ironic that I just posted a video at my blog of a Kennedy friend singing a song at the memorial service on Friday. The song has much to say about what you expressed here...

Jim Murdoch said...

I met my current wife online. We have been married now for twelve years and fully expect to be together for the rest of our lives. This was a very different courtship to any of my others where issues got confused by sexual longing. We had none of that, not at first. We got to know the person on the inside before we had to worry about the rest which is why we're such a good match. In all my other relationships I've had to wait for a fog to lift before I could see who I was really with.

I'll leave you with a little poem about love:

IN

I never understood
what they meant by "in"

as if love could somehow
change into a place

to crawl inside and hide.
To love is a verb,

a thing you have to do.
You don't have to hide.


25 March 1997

jinjir minjir said...

Mari, i need your help: I am thinking of going to Uruguay because of love - and am not joking this time, please take me seriously. Here's where you can help: Should I? I know it's not Argentina although it is right next door, you know i speak the language, but... Google isn't that good yet in answering this kind of questions... Your opinion (as ever) is highly appreciated.

Mariana Soffer said...

the walking man
In a way I think like you, at least chemically or from neuroscience point I do not want to understand it, I feel like it is the story of the hen which the golden eggs, which if you take care of it it provide you with its marvelous eggs, but once they opened and examined it to understand how it work, everything broke and could never be repaired, neither understood at all.
For me love must also be something magical completelly, but I mostly talk about the behaviours and reactions of people, not about the fmri resoults of the scans from people in love.

Thanks for your interesting comment friend, by the way I suspected you might thought that way.

Mariana Soffer said...

Lydia
Thank you very much for your compliments.Really interesting what a coincidence, let me take a look at it and I will coment what I think

Thanks lidia for stepping in.

ines.gato22@hotmail.com said...

In the thrill and passion of a new romance, it is only natural to see a lover through rose-colored glasses. We go out of our way to see only what we want to see, filtering our perceptions through romantic expectations and dreams. This optimistic filtering of reality is called "idealization."
Do you think that could be a dangerous thing, that could lead to bad results indeed?

Mariana Soffer said...

Ines
We all idealize. This is especially easy to do in the early stages of a relationship, since new lovers are typically on their best behavior. We all put on our best face when we are attracted to a new person. We make a special effort to be as alluring, charming, witty, sympathetic, flattering, and accommodating as we can. This is part of our mating ritual.

However, while this behavior might reveal certain facets of our personality, it can't possibly tell the whole story. We all have our moody days, our petty jealousies, our knee-jerk reactions, our rigid opinions, and our unattractive habits. And we certainly don't want to reveal any of these to a new lover.

In the heat of a new relationship, as we downplay our own shortcomings, we don't give much thought to the fact that our lover is doing the same. Under these conditions idealization can't help but thrive.

raul said...

How can I recognize if it is an obsesive love and what are the dynamics of it?

Mariana Soffer said...

Raul
The relationship of love has different dimensions to it. Obsessive love relationship is probably the worst manifestation of the feeling of love or when you mistake obsession for love. Mydearvalentine provides information on obsessive love relationship to help you deal better with your relationship issues.

The emotion of love needs recognition but it can’t be forced down someone’s throat. At times people who are obsessed with their feelings tend to consider their obsession towards their object of desire as their love. Obsession is a state of mental and clinical disorder due to which people get highly self-centered and feel rather insecure towards the other person.

They would rather attempt at tying down the other person instead of understanding their emotions and needs. In case of non-reciprocation from the other side the obsessed person is more hell bent on compelling and getting attention from the object of his obsession. In cases of complete mental illness the patient mostly complains of hallucinating about vulgar and disgusting images of the person they are obsessed with.

This somehow increases their tendencies to get more possessed by the thoughts of the person they desire. Though in this kind of obsession towards a person the element of compulsion is nominal but most mental victims tend to compulsively think about the person of their desire.

You can recognize it due to the following question postive and obviously then not healthy answers:
Is it impossible to let go -- despite the pain?
- Do you yearn for someone who is not physically or emotionally available to you?
- Do you believe that if you love him enough he will have to love you?
- When you feel insecure, does it drive you only to want her more?
- Do you find yourself phoning repeatedly or waiting long hours for the phone to ring?
Do you wish someone would let go of you?
- Does an ex-lover or ex-spouse refuse to believe that it's over?
- Do you receive unwanted phone calls, letters, presents, or visits?
- Is this pursuit of you creating so much anxiety that it affects your physical or emotional well-being?

Mariana Soffer said...

Jim Murdoch
I love the story you told me and It sounds really logic to me, because when you met online the brain becomes the more atractive organ and the more interesting to discover from the other person indeed. It does not start so intensely with the physical thing.

Great poem I like it, it critisizes all the common places about how people refer about love. I guess anyway that it is said in because that is a state, and you are in a certain state , that is the word you use for that kind of things. And I absolutely agree about dont hide, someday I will tell you my story but I should have hidden some relations but I always thought it was wrong, that I should enjoy it and if other did not like it, it was a problem of their own.

Enjoy your marvelous love my friend

Mariana Soffer said...

Jinjir
First of all I should warn you that I am a person who is in favour of living life, or daring to do stuff, so yes I will highly encourage it, go there, you have nothing to lose except a little money from the ticket, cause the dolar is going to help you in not spending money in this part of the earth. I do not think it would be a problem at all not to speak the language, it is all right many people do anyway. If you go there let me know, and you might want to step in bs as for a day, I can show you a little bit arround in that case. But anyway I will give you my cell phone so while you are there you can call me if you have any problem.
My only recomendation is to make reservations on transport and hotel before you get there so you do not have problem searching for them. Anyway you can ask me any other question that you need answer for. But really think about it you need to experiment life, nothing too wrong can happen.

Take care my friene

yava said...

I wrote my post on love without reading yours and your post totally makes sense. Love changes people and despite the fact that some not so many pleasing emotions come with it we should be grateful for every person in our lives that makes us feel it because feeling itself is a precious gift and feeling LOVE is one of the blissful special moments in our life.

Mariana Soffer said...

yava
Thanks for the compliment about making sense

I agree that life is for living, not for avoiding feel life, and emotions and feelings came all togethers generally, although not at the same time, once you open you emotional life you open it to any kind of feeling you can experiment and have.

How curious that we made the post at the same time, I just read yours it is beautifull and romantic at the same time. And the piano kicks ass.

Thanks for stepping by and pouring your nice and interesting words

yayva said...

Mariana, your posts are very insightful, just the right length, very deep and accessible to general public. I enjoy them and find myself wondering on the wide internet for even more depths on your suggested topics.

and yes, it is an interesting coincidence that we both posted blogs on love.

ojo said...

So true!

Love causes madness in any way. No doubt about it.
Each one of us know haow to deal with it, in the concrete case.

So powerfull, so wonderful.
It hurts and it cures.
And allways worth the pain, I think

"El que ha vivido penaaandooo..."

Great post!

Regards

Uncle Tree said...

Dear Mariana,

I love the reply you gave to Ines!
You pretty much pinned it down right there.
I agree with you completely. So completely in fact, that I almost feel embarrassed, and maybe even a little guilty, too.

But like you said, it's only natural.
Which means, of course, that it's not our fault. So who else can we blame?

Ted Bagley said...

We might notice that whenever we describe what love is we always end up describing something that in the end is not love.In this sense, love is always romantic and it's the same way with any "open signifier". Or as the "Romantic" writers show, something you don't want to be obvious.
When we're "in love" with another person, we have all these mushy feelings about them and as a result cover up what is not obviously seen, the fact that our infatuation is not about the other person. People find this out all the time later in marriages.
It's like what Freud basically says about dreams. If you do not have a dream about sex then you are covering up to yourself that you are thinking about sex...and if you are having a dream about sex then you are not thinking about sex.

Ted Bagley said...

Hi Mariana,
Hey help me out and take on a comment on my zafu blog, would ya?

Jason Gusmann said...

the mysteries of love are absolutely fascinating, from a scientific or artistic standpoint. the chemical compounds created in our brains during these periods can be just as addictive as narcotics, and just as harmful. but on the good side - well, shit, it's love! it's awesome. sometimes...

Charles Gramlich said...

What is interesting to me is the period in a long-term relationship when the lust segues into the more romantic love with affection.

/t. said...

am
i crazy
to <3 this blog?

¤ ¤ ¤

/t.

~otto~ said...

This makes a lot of sense, and it also makes me feel like a robot whose love is at the mercy of the chemicals in its brain. Maybe that's true not just with love, but with everything all the time. Fee will, hmm.

I also have a question: Do you think the following statement from your post is true to the same degree for men and women? "It would be nice to go to bed with them, but you would prefer them to call you on the telephone, to invite you out or to tell you that they love you."

And, wow, is this ever true: it "drives even the most amazing people to do the craziest most unbelievable stuff."

Paul said...

It does indeed. Love is an act of faith and hence a form of madness.

Harlequin said...

I remember many years back a mentor/sponsor of mine admonished me about what a useless emotion hate was... she said it wasted too much energy; I told her that it did not take much energy to hate so and so
( fill in the blank... the person I was hating at the time) .... but love... now there is an exhaustingly exhilarating experience!!
thanks for this post... I totally relate to the motivation.

geek said...

This is a very interesting topic. I wonder if I could post a link to this on my blog?

I really identify with what you're saying here. (*I'm gonna go teary eyed now*)

Has any scientist mentioned anyway to deal with it? Or perhaps, stop it?

experimentaljetset said...

I identify most with that last paragraph. "dumb things" and "unbelieveable stuff"

Where do you get such insights?

Rick said...

If this be madness, then I prefer it to sanity! :)

Wonderful posting, Mariana. Can't wait til the next. Be well.

TC said...

Mariana,

Ah, you continue to dauntlessly take on all the Great Mysteries, this one perhaps the greatest of all!

Such an elusive and mercurial topic, will it hold still for analysis?

For you see I've often been caused by experience to wonder: Will talking about this most precious of all emotions help us find its tender wordless heart, or merely drive a stake through it?

Love

JanetK said...

I disagree with walking man. Knowing how a thing like love works does not interfere with it happening. (Knowing what causes measles does not make it feel different to have measles etc.) It just gives some perspective to the whole thing and a little less danger of doing something really stupid while under the influence of cupid.

Anonymous said...

...

Ama el pájaro en los aires
Que cruza por donde quiera,
Y si al fin de su carrera
Se asienta en alguna rama,
Con su alegre canto llama
A su amante compañera.

La fiera ama en su guarida,
De la que es rey y señor;
Allí lanza con juror
Esos bramidos que espantan,
Porque las fieras no cantan:
Las fieras braman de amor.

Ama en el fondo del mar
El pez de lindo color;
Ama el hombre con ardor;
Ama todo cuanto vive:
De Dios vida se recibe,
Y donde hay vida, hay amor.

...

Mariana Soffer said...

yayva
Thanks a lot my friend, thank you very much for your encouraging words, makes me wanna keep writting posts.
Regarding the length of it, I guess I intultively stop when I think I would get bored of reading the same text from the screen, and would want to start doing another thing.
By the way you also have super interesting and entretaining post indeed.
Be well my friend

Mariana Soffer said...

ojo
I am happy I made you realize people are changed when they fall for somebody.

Love is amazingly powerful, It is incredible how it changes the way you feel. I do agree with you indeed, I always think it worth the pain, because the good times you have are worth living, and life is for experiencing, not for taking care of all damn things.

Nice song you sang in text

Take care friend

Mariana Soffer said...

Uncle Tree
Dear uncle do not feel guilty, it is never worth it, try to improve yourself if you did not like what you thought or did instead.

This is one of the subjects in which is mostly our instincts that make us act that way (I think). Altough we have a little bit of control on the subject, it is impossible for us to controll who we fall for.
So I do not know who can we blame, but I desagree with the fact of blaming ourselves

Take are and hugs friend

TC said...

"Knowing how a thing like love works does not interfere with it happening. (Knowing what causes measles does not make it feel different to have measles etc.) It just gives some perspective to the whole thing and a little less danger of doing something really stupid while under the influence of cupid."

I find JanetK's comment interesting, sweet and poetic. But I still think that taking apart (analyzing) something that is not meant to be taken apart risks breaking it.

On the other hand, though I am not an epidemiologist, I am certain that knowing how measles works (and spreads) might be useful in helping to avoid measles. This analogy actually puzzles my incorrigibly nonconceptual mind no little... I keep getting this image of an infant in diapers with a little bow... and little red spots all over his tender pink flesh.

TC said...

Are these two Tiepolo cupids coming down with measles?

Mariana Soffer said...

Ted Bagley
I agree with your first paragraph, very interesting observation about talking of love.
What you are telling then about love not being about the other person, it is true, I completelly agree with it, it is like what lacan says "there is no sexual relation", he says is because there is no relation with the other, this happen because we invent in our mind what the other person is, so we do not relate for real, but with a fantasy.
And is a very good example the one you tell about what freud told I liked it a lot, and did not know it at all.
Thanks a lot for the interesting words ted, you are making me think and learn a lot.

Take care

Mariana Soffer said...

ted bagley

Sure let me look at it and I will do my best my friend
M

Mariana Soffer said...

Jason Gusmann
I completelly agree with you comments, and like the words you used to say that concept with. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts, they are really valuable to me

Mariana Soffer said...

Charles Gramlich
That is a great topic, there was some research done about it.
My opinion is that the fantasy about the other person being perfect disapears and you start seeing the other more like it is. Which I think it is a fantastic stage also. Maybe even better than the fantasy.

Thanks for stepping by

Mariana Soffer said...

t
Thanks for stepping here, but I do not understand what you mean with <3. Anyway looks neat your text

Take care

Mariana Soffer said...

otto
Well you can stand and see the world from the chemical brain view point, but do not forget that is just one of the way to look at it, it is not the truth for real.
There has been a lot of buzz about free will existing or not lately. Like in here http://www.stopsmokingnaturallyblog.com/stop-smoking-naturally/do-humans-have-free-will-or-is-free-will-an-illusion

To tell you the truth I do not think it is the same for man than for womans, men care more about sex than woman do, and also I think they have a different drive, it is not the same thing between the two different sexes.

For your last question to be honest I can not tell for sure, but I think normal people can control their own lives even when they are in love, specially the more mature ones.

But I might have became skepticall about passionate love, I hope I will start beliving in that again.

Thanks otto for your participation in the post, interesting topics you talk about.

Mariana Soffer said...

Paul:
Excelent reply, I guess I have nothing else to add to your reply, it is perfect by itself.

Mariana Soffer said...

Harlequin:
Hi my friend, interesting topic, hate, the oposite of love (I suppose).
Both hate and romantic love can result in similar acts of extreme behaviour – both heroic and evil.
"Hate is often considered to be an evil passion that should, in a better world, be tamed, controlled and eradicated. Yet to the biologist, hate is a passion that is of equal interest to love"
This may seem surprising since hate can also be an all-consuming passion like love. But whereas in romantic love, the lover is often less critical and judgemental regarding the loved person, it is more likely that in the context of hate the hater may want to exercise judgement in calculating moves to harm, injure or otherwise exact revenge,"

So indeed they are both equally energy consuming

Thanks for bringing that interesting aspect of what love/hate can produce in humans. Hope you found interesting my response
Take care friend

Mariana Soffer said...

Geek
Thanks for the compliment dear friend. I am sure you can, and should if you are interested in it, post something related to this in your blog, but remember to add to the text your personal view of the topic.

Feel free to cry, nowbody is watching now. I will hugh you any way and hand you the cleenext so you do not make a mess of yourself.

I can tell you how to stop it, just become numb, avoid feeling of any kind for humans (including yourself), then this avoidance becomes an habit and you just do not feel in an automatic way. Decicate exclusively to use your rational brain, and to think scientific stuff, and to do research. Another way to avoid it according to an article I read is to take antidepressants like prozac, which inhibit the love chemicals to make effect in you brain. Find this article about it, if you can't let me know and I will search it for you.
And there are severeal other ways to stop and avoid love that I can think about, but I guess this is enough for now.

I love you dear friend

Mariana Soffer said...

experimentaljetset
Well, I got inspired by reading several articles and papers of the topic, but most of all by remembering my past and what I did during the relationships I had. I tend to analyze myself a lot, observe how I acted, so I can identify bad habits and try to modify themself with practice.

Thanks my friend

Mariana Soffer said...

Rick
I do prefer it too my friend, beside who knows what the exact line between madness and coherence is.
I think it is better to live life, to take risk, to dare to feel, than to live a lame life, a depressing and predictable one. Although I know that whith my choice I can get hurt.
Like radiohead song says:
A heart that’s full up like a landfill,
a job that slowly kills you,
bruises that won’t heal.
You look so tired-unhappy,
bring down the government,
they don’t, they don’t speak for us.
I’ll take a quiet life,
a handshake of carbon monoxide,

with no alarms and no surprises,
no alarms and no surprises
......
Thanks a lot for your beautifull comliments. Take care of yourself

Mariana Soffer said...

tc:
Tom I was missing you my dear friend, I have been pretty bussy dough, but I have been reading your excelent posts, and commented on some of them.

The answer to your question would be that talking about love will be analogous to talk about a painting or a simphony, the theorizing of those kind of things always miss the mostimportant part of them. The value they posses in themselves.

Mariana Soffer said...

JanetK
You are right Janet, scientific knowledge does not take the phenomenon away, it does not delete or modify it, it is just an attempt to understand how that thing works from one or more perspectives (like psichoanalysis or the scientific analisis of a series of fMRI experiments).
I certainly like a lot what you suggest could be usefull about this attempts to understand the phenomenon functionality, which can be, for example, preventing doing dangerous things under the influence of love chemistry.
Your way of understanding science and it's consecuences are excelent.

Thanks janet

Mariana Soffer said...

Anonymous said

Love the bird in the air
That flies wherever it wants,
And if at the end of it's race
It sits in a branch,
With is cheerful song it calls,
It's loving mate.

The wild animal loves in it's cave
Of which is king and lord;
there it throws with emphasis
Those roarings that frighten,
Because wild animals do not sing,
wild animals roar songs of love.

Love at the bottom of the sea
The fish of nice color;
The man loves fervourously
Loves all that lives
Life is got from love
And where there is life, there is love

Mariana Soffer said...

Anonymous
Beautifull text (If you are who I imagine, D, I never thought you would read this kind of things, that makes you even more interesting). Beside it is really apropiate the poem for this text, because it talks about the different kinds of loves different beings could express and have, which leads us to think that we do what we can (hopefully the best of what we can) And as long as it is like that it is beautiful in its own way.
But I might suprise you too cause I imagine who it was and it turned out I was write here is a brief review of the book:
Martín Fierro is an 2,316 line epic poem by the Argentine writer José Hernández. The poem was originally published in two parts, El Gaucho Martín Fierro (1872) and La Vuelta de Martín Fierro (1879). The poem is, in part, a protest against the Europeanizing and modernizing tendencies of Argentine president Domingo Faustino Sarmiento. As well, the poem supplied a historical link to the gauchos' contribution to the national development of Argentina, for the gaucho had played a major role in Argentina's independence from Spain.[1] The poem, written in a Spanish that evokes rural Argentina, is widely seen as the pinnacle of the genre of "gauchesque" poetry (poems centered around the life of the gaucho, written in a style that evokes the rural Argentine ballads known as payadas) and a touchstone of Argentine national identity.

Hope you are doing all right my dear friend
M

Mariana Soffer said...

TC:
I do also think that Janet comment it is very interesting.
But I do not get why do you say that you need to take apart something to analize it, you can analize it as a hole and build a model of it s parts without touching the real thing, neither opening neither tearing it apart.
Well regarding what you say about measles, I guess that is one of the main objectives of science, helping humanity lead a better life by avoiding some nuances and improving some not well built things.

Thanks a lot for your comment anyway it is very interesting, it shows the way many people think, about the scientific analisis of certain kind of things.

Take care my dear friend

Mariana Soffer said...

TC:
you made me laugh a lot with the question you asked here, thanks for entretaining us a lot.
I am going to copy the text here, so for people is easier to give their opinion reading it all from the same place,Great image by the way

Suddenly on the Mission lawn
A guy tosses a frisbee catching sun glints
Into the vermilion jaws of dusk
While above the frayed palms
A great sherry party takes place in the western sky
With catering by Giambattista Tiepolo
Eternity is in that moment
As if the sun were going down over Venice
And there one stood, maestro di pintore,
Calculating the finishing touches
Instead of only off Goleta

Take care

kj said...

oh god, mariana, this is right up my broken hearted alley. i'll be back as soon as i can, because i know i'll be equally savoring your essay and your comments..

thanks in advance.

love
kj

tinkerbell the bipolar faery said...

Edgar Allan Poe once wrote or said:

I have never been so mad as when my heart was touched by love.

Indeed, some take that view. I certainly used to. I'm now inclined to disagree with that perspective. True love makes one a better person ... brings happiness and peace. It leaves one in awe of the beauty they glimpse in the one they love and connection therewith.

The feeling that we may be inclined to call love, that feeling that leaves us sort of infatuated, obssessed, possessed with desire ... it is not love. It is some strange addiction to the other person. This strong craving for the person ... is not love, it's wanting the next fix.

I don't believe love is madness, or that it makes us mad. And I believe that love is more than the sum of the physiologic-chemical reactions associated with it. Love defies logic. It drives us to do things we sometimes cannot explain ~ i.e. forgiveness, giving/sharing without limit, going without so the beloved can have some ... all without begruding, or keeping tabs. Love would even drive us to "take the bullet" ~ lay down one's own life for their beloved. To override that very primal instinct of survival ~ that is immense power. That is love ~ like the blazing sun. At a certain point is beyond our understanding, and eludes a real, solid definition or description.

Mariana Soffer said...

kj
Oh, you are broken harted? I am so sorry to hear that, I promise you that time will heal the wound and calm the pain. Try to enjoy things in life right now as much as you can, treat yourself well, do nice stuff. That will make it go away really fast.
Also treat yourself well and with respect cause you diserve that.

Lots of love to you
M

Mariana Soffer said...

tinkerbell the bipolar faery

Excelent sentence, poe is amazing, everything he does is magical.

I agree with you, love should be something good, something nice, that helps you carry on with this life making things easier. It also should help you progess, make you a better person.

I agree about what you say about the thing called "love", which is indeed an obsession, a compulsion an illness of the mind.

The problem with the two different things mention on the paragraphs before this one is that they are very dificult to differentiate, because when a real love starts you are also exited and thinking about that person all the time, so you should pay a lot of attention to differentiate them, and know what you have.

Interesting last paragraph, I think I agree with you about the idea in general, that it makes you do marvelous things, be a more generous and caring person. But I am not sure that overriding our survival instinct is a good thing, cause it makes us loose the balance of how our instincts function indeed, which could end up being dangerous for you and for the other people indeed.
But I do agree that love is a magic thing. That there are no words to define it properly, and is kind of a mistery.

Thanks a lot tinerbell for sharing your interesting thought about the controversial subject of what love is for real.

Renee said...

Mariana I love you and neither of us are crazy.

Never doubt yourself Mariana. You are wise beyond your years.

Love Renee xoxo

Shadow said...

i am a sucker for things love. the passion, the lust, the emotions expressed in eyes across a crowded room, the way your body's no longer your own, nor do you want it to be. it's overpowering. all encompassing. yes. i love love!

/t. said...

mariana,

<3 = heart (love)

/t.

Mariana Soffer said...

Renne
Thanks a lot my dear friend, you know right now I am laughing at myself because that is exactely what my shrink tells me, he emphasises a lot on that, interesting that you say it, you seem to be a very perceptive person.

Thanks a lot renee, I am wise at some things and also stupid at others I guess like everybody is, but I would like to explain to you a little bit about my self, but not publicly, I do not like every body to know about my life. I prefer to keep it private at least for now. Anyway we can talk by email one ot this days, I would like to tell you a little bit about my story with the illness you have to bare with, but that is of course when you feel like talking about that, or maybe never, anyway it is wonderful being your friend.
Take care
M

Mariana Soffer said...

t
juap, it seems I am visually impaired for creative design. What can I do, I have other habilities at least.
And your comment it is so so sososo nice and sweet that I love it myself. Besides of being a work of art by itself. Thank you so much my dear friend

geek said...

Wait.. I think my comment got canceled. *shakes fist to google*

Anyway, thank you so much for the advise, Mariana. I really appreciate it. I shall try looking stuff about antidepressants. I am taking them now. And I am delving into the awesome world of science (at least, as much as I can). So I'll be pretty much okay right now?

I'm gonna be posting a link of this entry on my Awesome Stuff edition of interesting and informative articles on the internet -- which I'm trying to do regularly.

Thanks again! And keep up those interesting and stimulating articles. Cheers!

Mariana Soffer said...

Shadow
It is really sweet how you describe how love feels to you, it is also full of life, I can see your strong emotions in your words, and they are great. I can be like you also but only when I am in love, if I am not I tend to forget that I ever felt that way. But hearing you makes me happy cause I feel it can happen again. I can not help to remind you of an old song that your speach reminded me of which was called "I love to love". It almost exactely what you wrote.

Thanks a lot shadow for your nice comment. You are always welcome here. And also respected.

Love my friend

Mariana Soffer said...

geek
You are right evidentelly your comment did not get trough this time.

Your welcome, hope it helps, when I got medicated for the first time I read the hole vademedum practically looking for effects and side-effects of each possible medication I could take.
You will be ok. Be sure, but you have to be brave and face stuff, try to see things as they are, do not make them look like they are indeed other stuff, cause that will not help you on the long run. You can do that, I am sure you can.

Interesting thing the post you are planning to make, I like that idea seriously you should start writting a bit.

My pleasure talking to you. And thanks for your stimulating comments.

whait you know what, the thing is as llenon said "all you need is love", and that is how you are going to be ok finally.(I am just kidding do not belive everything that I say)

Brian Miller said...

love is...

you could end that sentence with any number of things and still be correct.

i think that is the mystery of love and how it affects us deeply.

it is quite a crazy thing...

Ande said...

Hi Mariana!

This was an interesting article. There are so many stereotypes of love that I sometimes stop thinking of the meaning of this word. Above this, I love your thought provoking live “the past is not dead, its not even past”.
I thought you either meant that the past is integrated in “now” and that there really is no other thing but “now” or that the "past" and "now" is the same thing and that distinctions lack relevance.
Hmmmm, I got very curious.

Mariana Soffer said...

Brian Miller
Hi man, it is so true your comment. I was thinking that maybe it is impossible for us to understand because it alter us a lot emotionally, and that alteration does not let our rational part to think clearly about that.
Just a random thought I had.

Thanks for comming and leaving your comment which I did enjoy reading and thinking about it.

Mariana Soffer said...

Ande
I am glad you like my words up there, I liked them also very much.
It is true what you say, there are an exesive amount of things that are called love, that word it s used too much, which makes it loose its meaning.
Indeed when I put those words I did not try to understand what they meant, I just thought they were great. But I think that it means that the past is with us, same thing you say at the begining of the second paragraph. And I think that it can also be implied that we can never get rid of it, and that we are now because of what happen, otherwise we would not be this.

Thanks a lot ende for you cool comment

Otin said...

Love is a strange thing! It is amazing how you can get so taken by another human being that you can be reduced to a mushy blob of jello! Maybe the power of thought is not all it is cracked up to be, maybe the animal kingdom has it right!

Sandi McBride said...

I learned in a psychology class that first loves are often remembered for expressly that reason, itis a first love and the hormones that come into play burn the experience into the psyche. Or so they say...and that men as well as women often fantasize about that first love...this too is supposed to be a chemical response to love. Sort of breaks it down to the nitty gritty. It's not Love that hurts...its that old chemistry stinging its way thru your heartstrings! Great post.
I wanted to come in and say thanks for stopping by to see me and so glad that David pointed you in my direction. And me to yours.
Sandi

Mariana Soffer said...

Otin
hi dear. I think that the more basic human functions always are more relevant than the most sofisticated ones. For example if the simple think that makes you hart and also the lizard s hart beat stops working you die, and therefore you can not do anything. Here if your instinct and emotions start failing in their behaviour, your rational mind will drawn with them and even more, that is a fact.

Thanks for stepping by my friend

Mariana Soffer said...

Sandi McBride
Intresting thoughts, even dough I wrote this post it never occured to me to think about first loves, maybe because I do not miss it at all, not cause it was bad but because I got better experience after that one. Maybe the secret is in learning about love, and also learning to let go things that once where great for you, cause if you let go for real and stop obsesing about getting that exact think you got in your first experience, you are never going to be able to improve, neither to have even better and more interesting love experiences.
Thanks for your compliment.
Your totally welcome it was my pleasure to discover your great blog and specially the marvelous post I read. I think david is an amazing guy, it is very generous from him to help people relate to each other and connect among themselves.
I am really glad I met you, I am curious also about getting to know you a little more.
Hugs
M

A Cuban In London said...

Just came back from my holidays in Spain and it's nice to see that the good quality in writing is the same if not better.

Love, huh? Freddie said it many years ago: 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'.

Greetings from London.

Mariana Soffer said...

A Cuban In London
Thanks a lot my friend you are really kind.

What a coincidence, my sister just came yesterday from barcelona where she has been living for the past 10 years. And where I usually go for vacations myself.

Excelent quote the one you mentioned, I wonder how I did not remembered it, since I used to listen to that song a lot. It interesting what he says, the only thing I am not sure it is real is the fact that love is little.

Greetings from Argentina!

TC said...

Mariana,

Love you for going on about love like this, lovely thread.

When I said earlier that analysis takes things apart, I meant simply that that's what the word means. Ana + lysis. Opposite of synthesis. Don't you fear sometimes that when you start taking love apart it won't be so easy to put it back together again?

Love is a complex, when you break it down it just gets more complicated. Sometimes TOO complicated!

Do you know this Dylan song?

Love Sick

Here are the lyrics:
Love Sick

I'm walking through streets that are dead
Walking, walking with you in my head
My feet are so tired, my brain is so wired
And the clouds are weeping

Did I hear someone tell a lie?
Did I hear someone's distant cry?
I spoke like a child; you destroyed me with a smile
While I was sleeping

I'm sick of love but I'm in the thick of it
This kind of love I'm so sick of it

I see, I see lovers in the meadow
I see, I see silhouettes in the window
I watch them 'til they're gone and they leave me hanging on
To a shadow

I'm sick of love; I hear the clock tick
This kind of love; I'm love sick

Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

I'm sick of love; I wish I'd never met you
I'm sick of love; I'm trying to forget you

Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything to
Be with you

Love, T

Mariana Soffer said...

TC
Thank you friend, I really loved your comment it is great. I feel about love analysis exactely the same that you mentioned. I think that if you analize it, for which you need to separate it in parts and observe the behaviour of each one, once you divided the meaning and the idea that you had about love you can paste the different parts but do not expect for love to feel the same way. you can join the parts but the hole would never be the same, it would only be the sume of the separate parts, when the original was much more than that.

I did not know that song but the lyrics are fantastic, it seems that you like the same kind of love songs that I do, the ones that are sad but well written.

like this one called "The thrill is gone"

the thrill is gone
the thrill is gone
i can see it in your eyes
i can hear it in your sighs
feel your touch and realize
the thrill is gone

the nights are cold
for love is old
love was grand when love was knew
birds were singing, skys were blue
now it don't appeal to you
the thrill is gone

this is the end
so why pritend
and let it linger on
the thrill is gone

Hope you liked the song friend, listen to it by chet baker and let me know what you think about it.

Take care and be well

medicatedlady said...

mariana, love makes me crazier than I already am. I'm glad researchers have figured this out. :)

Mariana Soffer said...

medicatelady
Fantastic comentary! you made me think and laugh

TC said...

TC said... Mariana,

Great Chet Baker song. Chet and Dylan -- the suave and the rough. The ins and the outs of love.

Here is that Chet masterpiece:

The Thrill is Gone

The images with the video remind one of the heartbreak of Chet's story, a man of hard world experience with the face and voice of an angel. He knew whereof he sang.

(And speaking of voices of experience if you click on that Dylan link I gave, you can see him performing "Love Sick". All the maddening complexity of love is in that song.)

Id it is said...

An objective analysis of man's ultimate subjectivity!
'Love causes odd tremendous feelings deep within us....TRULY!
Here's a link to a poem I wrote ona day when like you I was troubled by this senseless subjectivity, and this is how I justified it to myself :)

February 13, 2008
'Heart'- of Thee I Sing

A powerhouse of emotion;
that beats as it weeps,
pumps as it dumps,
sighs as it cries...
...sometimes, all at once!

Gives itself too often
when hormones do peak.
Takes little to soften
when a mate it seeks.

Succumbs, to scanty skirts
can’t resist, an open shirt.
Persists, to steal a glance
romance, will make it dance

Often, it fakes a break,
simply to steal'n embrace
courting pure passion,
sans any other emotion


Alas!
Age catches up.
It's pressure does soar;
suddenly it’s strong no more.

Yet, flutter it does
when beauty it sights.
And jumps just a tad
spotting,
a brawny young lad.


How little it takes
to make it aglow.
A touch, a wink, a glance,
and its juices will flow;
Although it senses
it's about time to go.

Fiesty red muscle,
the size of a fist.
The hotspot of emotion,
to sum up in jist.

A bundle of contradictions
defying all predictions:
-enlarges when it’s weakest,
-is strongest when beating slow.
Within a body bound
never ceases to astound…
Somehow you get to lose it
if love is to be found!

Mariana Soffer said...

TC
I am happy that you like the chet baker song I told you he was certainly a complex man:"A heroin user since the 1950s, the effects of drug addiction eventually caught up with Baker, and his musical career declined as a result. Baker would pawn his instruments for money to maintain his drug habit. In the early 1960s, he served more than a year in prison in Italy on drug charges, and was later expelled from both West Germany and England for drug-related offenses. Baker was eventually deported from West Germany to the United States after running afoul of the law there a second time. He settled in Milpitas in northern California where he was active in San Jose and San Francisco between short jail terms served for prescription fraud.
In 1966, Baker was severely beaten (allegedly while attempting to buy drugs) after a gig in San Francisco, sustaining severe cuts on the lips and broken front teeth, which ruined his embouchure. Accounts of the incident vary, largely because of Baker's lack of reliable testimony on the matter. It has also been suggested that the story is a fabrication altogether, and that Baker's teeth had just rotted due to heavy substance abuse -- two missing teeth can be clearly seen in a 1964 performance in Belgium, Chet Baker: Live in 64 and 79, suggesting this is indeed the case. From that time he had to learn to play with dentures."

I sadly could not watch the video yet because when you live in a third world country sometimes internet connection can be very slow, damn, but at least I enjoy the lirics that are fantastic

. By the way have you heard of Tindersticks, they are a marvelous band.

Thanks a lot for your great comments TC

Mariana Soffer said...

Id it is
What can we do id, we sometimes are attacked by love feelings. Anyway love is a wanderful terrible state to be in.

Nice poem, thanks a lot for sharing it with me, I liked it, it shows that you where expressing yourself, writting about the strong and almost maddening state that you had.

Take care my friend

SarahA said...

No wonder I am always so ill! Ha!

'I fall in love
with everyone I meet,
it's something about the way
they have feet,
that are always leaving
ink splodges
across my words'

Mariana Soffer said...

Sarah:
you have a great sense of humor, you make me laugh, I liked a lot those verses, they remind me a lot of another chet baker song

"I fall in love to easily
I fall in love to fast
I fall in so incredibly hard
for love to ever last ..."

I hope you like this one.

Chrisy said...

I enjoy the way your brain works Mariana...and your ability to put your thoughts into words...thank you...

Mariana Soffer said...

Chris
I am glad you liked it and thank you very much for coming!

M

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